“Children Are an Heritage of the Lord”

Read the following counsel, given by Bishop Robert D. Hales while he was serving as Presiding Bishop: “In many ways earthly parents represent their Heavenly Father in the process of nurturing, loving, caring [for], and teaching children. Children naturally look to their parents to learn of the characteristics of their Heavenly Father. After they come to love, respect, and have confidence in their earthly parents, they often unknowingly develop the same feelings toward their Heavenly Father” (in Conference Report, Oct. 1993, 10; or Ensign, Nov. 1993, 9).

Invite participants to ponder how parents’ attitudes and actions can influence children’s feelings toward Heavenly Father.

Parents should seek to meet each child’s individual needs.

Explain that each child has his or her own desires, talents, and needs. It is important for parents to strive to understand the individual capacities and needs of each child.

Many children are quite different from their parents. Their temperaments may be different, and they may have different strengths and weaknesses. These differences can be frustrating for parents, who may find it difficult to guide and help children through experiences they never had themselves. But parents should remember that Heavenly Father has entrusted these particular children to them and that He will help them know how to guide each child toward the fulfillment of his or her divine potential. Sister Michaelene P. Grassli, former general president of the Primary, said:

“We need to discover who our children really are. We need to know what interests them, what worries them, and what they would do if they had their fondest dreams come true. Nearly always, their fondest dreams are wonderful. We can let children be their own selves and not expect them to be reproductions of their parents. Give them varied experiences so they can discover what interests them, and then encourage these interests and talents—even if they are not the same as yours” (“Teaching Our Children,” Ensign, Apr. 1994, 62).

To help participants apply this principle, ask them to list some ways in which children in the same family might differ from one another and from their parents. In doing so, participants may draw on their experiences as parents or their experiences with their own parents and siblings. Write their ideas on the chalkboard. Then discuss specific talents or characteristics in the list. Refer to specific talents or characteristics by asking questions such as the following:

Point out that parents who understand the abilities and characteristics of each child are better able to discipline their children. Invite a participant to read the following counsel, given by Elder James E. Faust while he was serving in the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles (page 49 in the Marriage and Family Relations Participant’s Study Guide):

“One of the most difficult parental challenges is to appropriately discipline children. Child rearing is so individualistic. Every child is different and unique. What works with one may not work with another. I do not know who is wise enough to say what discipline is too harsh or what is too lenient except the parents of the children themselves, who love them most. It is a matter of prayer-ful discernment for the parents. Certainly the overarching and undergirding principle is that the discipline of children must be motivated more by love than by punishment” (in Conference Report, Oct. 1990, 41; or Ensign, Nov. 1990, 34).

Children are entitled to a loving relationship with their parents.

Point out that one of the most important things parents can do is to provide an atmosphere of love, friendship, and happiness in their home. Share the following statements:

While serving in the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles, Elder Gordon B. Hinckley said: “How fortunate, how blessed is the child who feels the affection of his parents. That warmth, that love will bear sweet fruit in the years that follow” (in Conference Report, Oct. 1978, 25; or Ensign, Nov. 1978, 18).

Elder Marlin K. Jensen of the Seventy said: “Like so much of what is worthwhile in life, our needs for friendship are often best met in the home. If our children feel friendship within the family, with each other, and with parents, they will not be desperate for acceptance outside the family” (in Conference Report, Apr. 1999, 81; or Ensign, May 1999, 64).

Point out that as parents strive to have a loving relationship with their children, good communication is vital. Elder M. Russell Ballard counseled: “Nothing is more important to the relationship between family members than open, honest communication. This is particularly true for parents trying to teach gospel principles and standards to their children. The ability to counsel with our youth—and perhaps more importantly, to really listen to their concerns—is the foundation upon which successful relationships are built. Often what we see in the eyes and what we feel in the heart will communicate far more than what we hear or say” (in Conference Report, Apr. 1999, 114; or Ensign, May 1999, 86–87).

For more ideas on principles of good communication, see pages 24–26 in lesson 5.

Child abuse is an offense to God.

Read Matthew 18:6 with participants. Explain that parents should never abuse their children in any way.

After discussing this question, explain that sometimes adults who were mistreated during childhood treat children in the same negative ways, not realizing how harmful the behavior is. Sometimes they may feel unable to change their behavior on their own. Emphasize that people who have been abusive can change their behavior as they humbly seek the Lord’s help and guidance.

Those who want help in understanding and changing their abusive behavior may turn to their bishop. He will be able to counsel them. He may also recommend counselors in LDS Family Services or community resources that provide help that is consistent with Church standards.

Read Doctrine and Covenants 121:41–44 with participants.

Children bring great joy into their parents’ lives.

Point out that it is important that parents remember their sacred and solemn responsibilities, but it is also important that they reflect on the joy their children bring into their lives. While serving in the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles, Elder James E. Faust observed that “while few human challenges are greater than that of being good parents, few opportunities offer greater potential for joy” (in Conference Report, Oct. 1990, 40; or Ensign, Nov. 1990, 32; see also page 48 in the Marriage and Family Relations Participant’s Study Guide).

Invite the assigned participants to talk briefly about the joy their children bring into their lives (see “Preparation,” item 4). As time permits, consider sharing your feelings about the joy children have brought into your life.