Read the following counsel, given by Bishop Robert D. Hales while he was serving as Presiding Bishop: “In many ways earthly parents represent their Heavenly Father in the process of nurturing, loving, caring [for], and teaching children. Children naturally look to their parents to learn of the characteristics of their Heavenly Father. After they come to love, respect, and have confidence in their earthly parents, they often unknowingly develop the same feelings toward their Heavenly Father” (in Conference Report, Oct. 1993, 10; or Ensign, Nov. 1993, 9).
Invite participants to ponder how parents’ attitudes and actions can influence children’s feelings toward Heavenly Father.
Explain that each child has his or her own desires, talents, and needs. It is important for parents to strive to understand the individual capacities and needs of each child.
Many children are quite different from their parents. Their temperaments may be different, and they may have different strengths and weaknesses. These differences can be frustrating for parents, who may find it difficult to guide and help children through experiences they never had themselves. But parents should remember that Heavenly Father has entrusted these particular children to them and that He will help them know how to guide each child toward the fulfillment of his or her divine potential. Sister Michaelene P. Grassli, former general president of the Primary, said:
“We need to discover who our children really are. We need to know what interests them, what worries them, and what they would do if they had their fondest dreams come true. Nearly always, their fondest dreams are wonderful. We can let children be their own selves and not expect them to be reproductions of their parents. Give them varied experiences so they can discover what interests them, and then encourage these interests and talents—even if they are not the same as yours” (“Teaching Our Children,” Ensign, Apr. 1994, 62).
To help participants apply this principle, ask them to list some ways in which children in the same family might differ from one another and from their parents. In doing so, participants may draw on their experiences as parents or their experiences with their own parents and siblings. Write their ideas on the chalkboard. Then discuss specific talents or characteristics in the list. Refer to specific talents or characteristics by asking questions such as the following:
• What could parents do to encourage a child to continue developing this talent?
• If a child has this characteristic, what might parents do to teach him or her to be loving and kind?
• In what ways could a child with this talent contribute to family home evening?
Point out that parents who understand the abilities and characteristics of each child are better able to discipline their children. Invite a participant to read the following counsel, given by Elder James E. Faust while he was serving in the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles (page 49 in the Marriage and Family Relations Participant’s Study Guide):
“One of the most difficult parental challenges is to appropriately discipline children. Child rearing is so individualistic. Every child is different and unique. What works with one may not work with another. I do not know who is wise enough to say what discipline is too harsh or what is too lenient except the parents of the children themselves, who love them most. It is a matter of prayer-ful discernment for the parents. Certainly the overarching and undergirding principle is that the discipline of children must be motivated more by love than by punishment” (in Conference Report, Oct. 1990, 41; or Ensign, Nov. 1990, 34).
• What experiences have helped you understand that discipline must be given according to each child’s needs and circumstances?
Point out that one of the most important things parents can do is to provide an atmosphere of love, friendship, and happiness in their home. Share the following statements:
While serving in the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles, Elder Gordon B. Hinckley said: “How fortunate, how blessed is the child who feels the affection of his parents. That warmth, that love will bear sweet fruit in the years that follow” (in Conference Report, Oct. 1978, 25; or Ensign, Nov. 1978, 18).
Elder Marlin K. Jensen of the Seventy said: “Like so much of what is worthwhile in life, our needs for friendship are often best met in the home. If our children feel friendship within the family, with each other, and with parents, they will not be desperate for acceptance outside the family” (in Conference Report, Apr. 1999, 81; or Ensign, May 1999, 64).
• What do you recall from your childhood that helped you feel loved? In what ways have these feelings of love influenced you throughout your life?
• What can parents do in their homes to help their children know that they love them?
Point out that as parents strive to have a loving relationship with their children, good communication is vital. Elder M. Russell Ballard counseled: “Nothing is more important to the relationship between family members than open, honest communication. This is particularly true for parents trying to teach gospel principles and standards to their children. The ability to counsel with our youth—and perhaps more importantly, to really listen to their concerns—is the foundation upon which successful relationships are built. Often what we see in the eyes and what we feel in the heart will communicate far more than what we hear or say” (in Conference Report, Apr. 1999, 114; or Ensign, May 1999, 86–87).
• What can parents do to communicate well with their children? (Answers may include those in the following list.)
a. Be a tireless listener. As necessary, repeat what you understand from what the children say. This will show them that you really are listening and will help you be sure that you understand.
b. Spend time talking with and listening to children even when they are very young—even before they are able to talk.
c. Be interested in their ideas.
d. Generate conversations during mealtimes.
e. Spend time talking with them one-on-one.
To emphasize that parents should spend time alone with each of their children, share the following counsel from Elder Robert D. Hales of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles: “Spend individual time with [your] children, letting them choose the activity and the subject of conversation. Block out distractions” (in Conference Report, Apr. 1999, 41; or Ensign, May 1999, 33).
For more ideas on principles of good communication, see pages 24–26 in lesson 5.
Read Matthew 18:6 with participants. Explain that parents should never abuse their children in any way.
• What are some forms of child abuse? (Consider listing participants’ responses on the chalkboard. Answers may include those in the following list.)
a. Violent anger
b. Yelling
c. Threats
d. Physical assault
e. Any sexual contact or inappropriate touching
f. Belittling comments
g. Withholding affection
h. Exposure to inappropriate movies, jokes, language, magazines, or Internet material
i. Improper exposure to the elements
j. Neglect, including lack of medical care and insufficient supervision or discipline
• In what ways do these actions harm children?
After discussing this question, explain that sometimes adults who were mistreated during childhood treat children in the same negative ways, not realizing how harmful the behavior is. Sometimes they may feel unable to change their behavior on their own. Emphasize that people who have been abusive can change their behavior as they humbly seek the Lord’s help and guidance.
Those who want help in understanding and changing their abusive behavior may turn to their bishop. He will be able to counsel them. He may also recommend counselors in LDS Family Services or community resources that provide help that is consistent with Church standards.
Read Doctrine and Covenants 121:41–44 with participants.
• In what ways does this passage relate to the way parents discipline their children?
While serving as First Counselor in the First Presidency, President Gordon B. Hinckley taught:
“Children don’t need beating. They need love and encouragement. They need fathers to whom they can look with respect rather than fear. Above all, they need example. …
“My plea … is a plea to save the children. Too many of them walk with pain and fear, in loneliness and despair. Children need sunlight. They need happiness. They need love and nurture. They need kindness and refreshment and affection. Every home, regardless of the cost of the house, can provide an environment of love which will be an environment of salvation” (in Conference Report, Oct. 1994, 74–75; or Ensign, Nov. 1994, 54).
President Brigham Young, the second President of the Church, taught:
“Bring up your children in the love and fear of the Lord; study their dispositions and their temperaments, and deal with them accordingly, never allowing yourself to correct them in the heat of passion; teach them to love you rather than to fear you” (Discourses of Brigham Young, sel. John A. Widtsoe [1954], 207).
Point out that it is important that parents remember their sacred and solemn responsibilities, but it is also important that they reflect on the joy their children bring into their lives. While serving in the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles, Elder James E. Faust observed that “while few human challenges are greater than that of being good parents, few opportunities offer greater potential for joy” (in Conference Report, Oct. 1990, 40; or Ensign, Nov. 1990, 32; see also page 48 in the Marriage and Family Relations Participant’s Study Guide).
Invite the assigned participants to talk briefly about the joy their children bring into their lives (see “Preparation,” item 4). As time permits, consider sharing your feelings about the joy children have brought into your life.