Explain that when husbands and wives are angry or frustrated, they sometimes allow their behavior to become abusive and destructive. Spouses should never abuse one another in any way. Abuse violates the commandments of God and the emphatic statements of Church leaders. President George Albert Smith, the eighth President of the Church, declared: “Nobody ever abused anybody else when he had the spirit of the Lord. It is always when we have some other spirit” (in Conference Report, Oct. 1950, 8).
Briefly share the following information:
Spouse abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.
Emotional abuse includes actions such as yelling, cursing, making insulting or demeaning remarks, acting in a dictatorial way, humiliating a spouse before children or others, withholding support or affection as punishment, and ignoring or minimizing a spouse’s feelings.
Physical abuse includes pushing, restraining, shaking, hitting, slapping, coercing, and withholding resources.
Sexual abuse may be either emotional or physical. It includes sexual harassment, inflicting pain, using force or intimidation, and persisting in doing things during times of intimacy that are unpleasant or displeasing to the other.
Explain that if participants have further questions about what constitutes abuse, they should seek counsel from their bishop.
Share the following statement by President Gordon B. Hinckley, the 15th President of the Church. Point out that although President Hinckley gave this warning about men who abuse their wives, it is also applicable to women. Ask participants to silently evaluate their own behavior as they listen to this counsel:
“Some [men] put on a fine face before the world during the day and come home in the evening, set aside their self-discipline, and on the slightest provocation fly into outbursts of anger.
“No man who engages in such evil and unbecoming behavior is worthy of the priesthood of God. No man who so conducts himself is worthy of the privileges of the house of the Lord. I regret that there are some men undeserving of the love of their wives and children. There are children who fear their fathers, and wives who fear their husbands. If there be any such men within the hearing of my voice, as a servant of the Lord I rebuke you and call you to repentance. Discipline yourselves. Master your temper. Most of the things that make you angry are of very small consequence. And what a terrible price you are paying for your anger. Ask the Lord to forgive you. Ask your wife to forgive you. Apologize to your children” (in Conference Report, Oct. 1996, 91–92; or Ensign, Nov. 1996, 68).
Explain that some people develop aspects of abusive behavior without recognizing it. Others recognize that their behavior needs to be changed but feel unable to make the changes without help.
Those who want help in understanding and changing their abusive behavior can change as they humbly seek the Lord’s help and guidance. They may turn to their bishop, who will be able to counsel them. He may also recommend counselors in LDS Family Services or community resources that provide help that is consistent with Church standards.
© 2007 Intellectual Reserve, Inc. All rights reserved.