Guiding Children As They Make Decisions

Give children clear guidelines based on gospel principles.

Explain that parents should give their children clear guidelines to follow in making decisions. This effort includes teaching the gospel and establishing standards of behavior in the home. Elder Joe J. Christensen of the Seventy taught:

Do not be afraid to set clear moral standards and guidelines. Be sure to say no when it is needed. … Let [your children] know that there are some things that, as members of your family, you simply do not do. Some parents seem to be almost pathologically concerned about their children’s popularity and social acceptance and go along with many things that are really against their better judgment, such as expensive fads, immodest clothes, late hours, dating before age sixteen, R-rated movies, and so on. For children and parents, standing up for what is right may be lonely at times. There may be evenings alone, parties missed, and movies which go unseen. It may not always be fun. But parenting is not a popularity contest” (in Conference Report, Oct. 1993, 13; or Ensign, Nov. 1993, 11).

Read Moroni 7:15–19 with participants.

Help children recognize the influence of the Holy Ghost in their lives.

Explain that Moroni 7:15–19 is about the Light of Christ, which helps us know good from evil. In addition to following the Light of Christ, we can receive guidance from the Holy Ghost, who “will show unto [us] all things what [we] should do” (2 Nephi 32:5) and will help us “know the truth of all things” (Moroni 10:5). As children learn to recognize and follow the promptings of the Holy Ghost, they will receive further help in making decisions. After children have received the gift of the Holy Ghost, parents can help them develop a desire to be worthy of the constant companionship of the Spirit.

Elder Robert D. Hales of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles told about how his mother helped him recognize the influence of the Holy Ghost:

“After my baptism and confirmation, my mother drew me aside and asked, ‘What do you feel?’ I described as best I could the warm feeling of peace, comfort, and happiness I had. Mother explained that what I was feeling was the gift I had just received, the gift of the Holy Ghost. She told me that if I lived worthy of it, I would have that gift with me continually. That was a teaching moment that has lived with me all my life” (in Conference Report, Apr. 1999, 42; or Ensign, May 1999, 33).

Give small children opportunities to make simple decisions.

Point out that parents can give small children opportunities to make decisions. They can keep decisions simple, usually offering only two choices and making sure both choices are acceptable. For example, a parent could say, “Would you like to wear your blue shirt or your red shirt today?” or “Would you rather hear a story or continue playing until bedtime?” Once parents have offered such a choice, they should accept the child’s decision.

Help children understand that some decisions have eternal consequences.

Explain that when children face difficult decisions such as selecting Sabbath activities, choosing friends, making educational plans, or setting goals for a career, it is important that they know how to make judgments based on gospel truths. It is essential that they understand that their decisions can have eternal consequences. Parents must take time early in their children’s lives to talk with them about these principles.

Parents should allow children to learn from the consequences of unwise decisions.

Point out that although parents should sometimes intervene to help their children make righteous decisions, they should not intervene to prevent the consequences of their children’s unwise decisions.

Parents should show unfailing love for children who go astray.

Point out that even after parents’ best efforts, some children may make decisions that cause great sorrow for themselves and others. Parents must never cease to love children who go astray. Elder Richard G. Scott said:

“Some of you have children who do not respond to you, choosing entirely different paths. Father in Heaven has repeatedly had that same experience. While some of His children have used His gift of agency to make choices against His counsel, He continues to love them. Yet, I am sure, He has never blamed Himself for their unwise choices” (in Conference Report, Apr. 1993, 43; or Ensign, May 1993, 34).

While serving in the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles, Elder Howard W. Hunter gave the following counsel to parents who have done their best but grieve because of the mistakes of a child:

“A successful parent is one who has loved, one who has sacrificed, and one who has cared for, taught, and ministered to the needs of a child. If you have done all of these and your child is still wayward or troublesome or worldly, it could well be that you are, nevertheless, a successful parent. Perhaps there are children who have come into the world that would challenge any set of parents under any set of circumstances. Likewise, perhaps there are others who would bless the lives of, and be a joy to, almost any father or mother” (in Conference Report, Oct. 1983, 94; or Ensign, Nov. 1983, 65).

Give a participant the pebble that you have brought to class (see “Preparation,” item 4). Ask the participant to place the pebble directly in front of his or her eye. Then ask the individual to describe what he or she can see. Read the following analogy, which was shared by Elder Richard G. Scott while he was serving in the Seventy:

“When I take a small pebble and place it directly in front of my eye, it takes on the appearance of a mighty boulder. It is all I can see. It becomes all-consuming—like the problems of a loved one that affect our lives every waking moment. When the things you realistically can do to help are done, leave the matter in the hands of the Lord and worry no more. Do not feel guilty because you cannot do more. Do not waste your energy on useless worry. The Lord will take the pebble that fills your vision and cast it down among the challenges you will face in your eternal progress. It will then be seen in perspective. In time, you will feel impressions and know how to give further help. You will find more peace and happiness, will not neglect others that need you, and will be able to give greater help because of that eternal perspective” (in Conference Report, Apr. 1988, 70; or Ensign, May 1988, 60).

Read Luke 15:11–32 with participants. Explain that this passage is often called the parable of the prodigal son. However, it could also be referred to as the parable of the loving father.