Explain that in addition to recognizing the admirable qualities in each other, husbands and wives should strive to communicate well with each other. Communication is essential in building love and unity and in resolving difficulties that may arise.
Write the following principles on the chalkboard:
Listen to each other.
Discuss challenges openly and calmly.
Communicate in loving, positive ways.
Explain that these principles can help married couples improve their communication. Use the following material to conduct a discussion about each of the principles:
Share the following counsel from Elder Russell M. Nelson of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles:
“Husbands and wives, learn to listen, and listen to learn from one another. … Taking time to talk is essential to keep lines of communication intact. If marriage is a prime relationship in life, it deserves prime time! Yet less important appointments are often given priority, leaving only leftover moments for listening to precious partners” (in Conference Report, Apr. 1991, 28; or Ensign, May 1991, 23).
• What can get in the way of couples really listening to each other? (Answers may include busy schedules, failure to take time to listen, and lack of interest in each other’s responsibilities.)
• What can marriage partners do to become better listeners? (In addition to asking for participants’ ideas, consider sharing those listed below.)
a. Take time to talk together. Eliminate distractions, giving all attention to one another.
b. Listen to understand. Do not interrupt the person who is talking. If necessary, ask questions such as “Can you tell me more about that?” or “How did you feel when that happened?” or “I’m not sure I understand. Are you saying that … ?”
c. Avoid getting angry or offended. Remember that in many cases, more than one opinion can be right.
Point out that discussions about challenges should be conducted in a respectful way, without loud arguments or contention. While serving in the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles, Elder Gordon B. Hinckley taught:
“We seldom get into trouble when we speak softly. It is only when we raise our voices that the sparks fly and tiny molehills become great mountains of contention. … The voice of heaven is a still small voice; likewise, the voice of domestic peace is a quiet voice” (in Conference Report, Apr. 1971, 82; or Ensign, June 1971, 72).
President David O. McKay said, “Let husband or wife never speak in loud tones to each other, ‘Unless the house is on fire’ ” (Stepping Stones to an Abundant Life, comp. Llewelyn R. McKay [1971], 294).
• In what ways do expressions of appreciation, support, and affection influence a marriage? How does negative communication—such as criticism, nagging, and fault-finding—affect a marriage?
Have participants read the following counsel from Elder Joe J. Christensen (page 19 in the Marriage and Family Relations Participant’s Study Guide):
“Avoid ‘ceaseless pinpricking.’ Don’t be too critical of each other’s faults. Recognize that none of us is perfect. We all have a long way to go to become as Christlike as our leaders have urged us to become.
“ ‘Ceaseless pinpricking,’ as President Spencer W. Kimball called it, can deflate almost any marriage. … Generally each of us is painfully aware of our weaknesses, and we don’t need frequent reminders. Few people have ever changed for the better as a result of constant criticism or nagging. If we are not careful, some of what we offer as constructive criticism is actually destructive” (see Conference Report, Apr. 1995, 85; or Ensign, May 1995, 64–65; see also Spencer W. Kimball, “Marriage and Divorce,” 1976 Devotional Speeches of the Year [1977], 148).
• What can result from constant complaints or criticism?
• One form of criticizing is the practice of comparing a person’s weaknesses to the strengths of others. How can this practice affect a marriage?
• What experiences have you had that show the value of complimenting and encouraging others rather than constantly criticizing them? In what ways can positive expressions strengthen marriages?