Point out that some challenges come as a result of difficulties in the marriage relationship. Others come as a natural part of life.
Explain that married couples will respond to challenges differently depending on how they view their marriage relationship. Write on the chalkboard the words contract and covenant.
Explain that a contract is a written agreement between two people or groups of people. It is enforceable by the laws of the land. A covenant is similar to a contract but is more far-reaching. The word covenant sometimes refers to an agreement between persons, but in the context of the gospel it refers to an agreement between us and the Lord. In a covenant, the Lord sets the terms and we promise to keep them (see Bible Dictionary, “Covenant,” 651). When we keep our promises, the Lord is bound to fulfill His promises (see D&C 82:10).
Point out that many people in today’s society see marriage as nothing more than a contract. Ask participants to think about the following questions without answering aloud:
Point out that although husbands and wives cannot avoid some challenges, they can choose how they respond to challenges. Elder Lynn G. Robbins of the Seventy explained: “No one makes us mad. Others don’t make us angry. There is no force involved. Becoming angry is a conscious choice, a decision; therefore, we can make the choice not to become angry. We choose!” (in Conference Report, Apr. 1998, 105; or Ensign, May 1998, 80).
Emphasize that Heavenly Father has given us agency—the power to choose and act for ourselves. We can exercise our agency by choosing to be patient and loving when challenges come.
Have participants take turns reading the following scriptures aloud. As they read, encourage them to discuss ways these scriptures can apply to husbands and wives as they respond to the challenges of marriage and everyday life.
Mosiah 18:21
2 Nephi 31:20
1 John 4:18
Doctrine and Covenants 24:8
1 Peter 4:8 (see the Joseph Smith Translation in footnote 8a)
Alma 38:12
3 Nephi 11:29–30
John 13:34–35
James 1:19–20
John 16:33
Mosiah 3:19
• When we feel that we are becoming frustrated or angry, what can we do to overcome these feelings? (Answers may include those listed below.)
a. Remove ourselves from the situation until we have calmed down.
b. Pray for help and guidance.
c. In a disagreement, take time to consider the other person’s motivations and feelings.
d. Seek help from local Church leaders and, as necessary, professional counselors whose views and practices are consistent with the teachings of the Church.
To illustrate that husbands and wives can choose how they respond to challenges, read the following story. Explain that it is an example of the little, everyday challenges that can occur in a marriage.
“It was one of those days. No matter how fast she ran during the day, Della was not able to keep up with the demands of her family. Her neighbor, with even more children than she, seemed so cheerful that Della began to doubt her own ability as a woman, a wife, and a mother.
“Ben felt hungrier than usual on his way home. An extra eighty miles to deliver farm equipment had been necessary, but now he was tired. Being home sounded better all the time. Peace. Food. Rest.
“Della heard Ben’s car in the driveway and glanced at the clock. Oh no! Almost 7:00 p.m.? Now what? She had wanted to have dinner ready, but …
“She heard the door open as she hurriedly placed the last biscuit on the baking sheet.
“Ben strode through the door, leaned around the corner, and smiled at Della. She looked tense, and he noticed the empty table. He paused and took a deep breath.”
Ask participants the following questions:
• If Ben’s concern is only for himself, what might happen?
• If Ben’s concern is for his wife, how might he respond?
After discussing the questions, continue with the story:
“Ben exhaled, smiled at Della, and said, ‘Looks as if I got here just in time to help.’ Her tension disappeared. Relieved, she kissed him and said, ‘It’s good to have you home, Ben. You’ve had a long day, and I wanted to have dinner ready for you!’ She gestured toward the empty table.
“ ‘We’ll finish it together,’ he said, placing his arm around her. They then began to share the different challenges each had faced. While Ben set the table, Della put the biscuits in the oven and told him how rushed she had felt—even overwhelmed—all day. Ben forgot about how hungry he was and thought about ways to make her days easier” (Family Home Evening Resource Book [1983], 241; paragraphing altered).